Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Ever Imagined How Emoticons Would React To The Political World? Here’s How


Every month Emote Villa has a meeting at the grand venue of an undisclosed domain name on the internet. The purpose, apparently, is to check which emoticon has been used how many times and for which particular reason. 


The Grin Gabbler, the President, comes to the stage to proceed with the event.

“You, big boys! There are so many things going on at the same time in the human world. It’s chaos, almost. And you each have a place in there somewhere. So, for the month of August, let us find out how much ya’ll fit in, shall we?

The Frown Monk. Oh my! You really can make anyone feel sad. LOL Not good for health, bro. Okay, now. You showed up every time the news of The Great Fall of Rupee did the rounds on the television. We saw you when Bradley Manning was sentenced to 35-year imprisonment. You also came up when the Indian rationalist, Narendra Dabolkar, was murdered in Pune.

The Grumpy Goliath. Hey, Grumps! Why do you look so dis... umm, never mind. So. You kept showing up almost everywhere. Quite in demand, eh? But the most that we saw of you was when the honest officers were suspended for doing their duties. We further saw you when Pakistan passed a resolution of ‘unprovoked aggression’ against the Indian Army. You were also useful when the neighbouring countries of India tried to illegally enter her boundaries. We also saw you after the Mumbai rape case. And, when the files went missing in the Coalgate scam. Plus, when there were endless instances of the poisonous food that’s served in the name of mid-day meals. You also reflected in the ire of the many people of India when it was time to save RTI. We saw you often when Obama’s ‘Yes, We Can.’ became ‘Yes, we will spy on you.’ Oh, now! You were also much visible when the self-proclaimed godman and the ‘Bhaiyya’ of all, Asaram Bapu, was accused of rape.
Grumps, ol’ boy, it seems, the situation of India really does make you invincible.

The Cry Cassette. Poor soul! We haven’t seen you much. I think people have understood that crying in front of the state brings nothing but inferiority. So, they have turned to showing their dissatisfaction in the form of endless forums to make negotiations and petitions on. But, hey! We did see you when the price of onions touched a good Rs. 80 per kilo. People cried. Quite literally.

The Tongue Tappers. The general expression being--The rupee plummeted but, peeps, “no need to panic.” The GDP is at an all-time low but, really, “no need to panic.” The rape cases have ashamed the nation in front of the world but, please, “no need to panic.” Basically, the government wanted the people to not hit the panic button and sail their boats in the calm and old-fashioned ways. For this, of course, they decided they wouldn’t let criminals enter into the world of politics. The government also wanted that people should not be worried about the dismal condition of the economy as they had taken it upon themselves to solve all the burning tales of the nation. Loljk.

The Unsure Uncle. When the Food Security Bill was passed, the reasons were evident. The elections have made the UPA and the Opposition work for the Muslim community sooner than they ever would have had. When IM co-founder Yasin Bhatkal was arrested, one wasn’t sure if his fate would be decided by the crime he did or by the amount of time that was left in the elections. One is always left uncertain by past failures and frail promises. The recent changes in the privacy norms have made the users unsure of using the mail service providers like gmail. The number of deaths in Syria and Egypt has left people wondering about the end of this all.

The Heart Hoopla. Omigod. Nothing that touched anyone’s heart?! Sorry, you weren’t seen even once in the whole political scenario.

The Gasp Gutter. The gasp-o-meter is pretty high. You come into picture just when something happens and then it often turns into The Grumpy Goliath. The major incidents of gasps were when some of the Indian officials came up with ridiculous comments on how cheap one could get food for. As cheap as Re 1. Their comments were so gaspworthy that the social media came alive with poems, fictional stories and memes on these comments alone.

Now, this is good news that we emoticons are really valued by humans but it’s unfortunate to see that The Happy Hook is nowhere to be seen. I guess, he has found a home in the Sports and Entertainment sector. The scenario looks ugly, doesn’t it? And the story is of August, not the whole year, mind you. This feeling will pass but, for once, I, The Grin Gabbler, want to borrow The Grumpy Goliath for me. Please, eh?”

8 comments:

  1. ROFL! That was fun to read. I so loved the names you coined.

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  2. can you stop being so funny? You're giving me a complex:P lol! Seriously, so well written. I especially liked the way how used recent anecdotes with every emoticon :) ANd I sigh for The heart hoopla too ;)

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    Replies
    1. The Heart Hoopla. Poor soul! We should keep a two-minute silence for that sweetheart. Strictly from the political perspective. :P

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  3. Funny and interesting take on the recent state of affairs.

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  4. LoL! That was interesting!

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