As a kid, I
remember, I was never allowed to wear shorts or sleeveless tops. “But Papa,”
I’d try to reason, “What’s wrong with it?” He’d squint his eyes and I’d know
that I needed to change into something ‘decent’ ASAP, never understanding why.
But, today, when
I bring those distant memories and the daily encounters with reality together,
the picture is much clearer but absurd at the same time. A woman’s choice of
her attire is considered a man’s business. If the man does not find it socially
acceptable, she is supposed to ethically withdraw from her ‘whims’ and get into
something appropriate.
Defy it, lady,
and you shall be called a slut. Sounds familiar?
This is the
society that’s afraid to accept anything new. This is the society that will mock
at you just because you care more about your comfort than their chiding
remarks. This is the society that will try to disgrace you because you choose
to ignore their mocking grins.
Isn’t it purely
logical that if it’s my body, it IS my right to dress it up the way I choose?
Why is decency weighed by the length of clothes and not by the intentions? How
can clothes be a reason to justify a rape or harassment? Does the same society
not think that if provoking men by clothes alone is enough, they are too easy?
How then are we women the sluts?
Surely, reading
about the Constitution of India, we were bound to understand that we have the
freedom to express ourselves by the things we talk, the dresses we wear, the
professions we choose, the ambitions we follow and the art we create. It’s too
late to tell us otherwise.
HI Vaishali
ReplyDeleteValid points there...I believe that the attire should be comfortable for oneself and for those around , basically as per the occasion...For instance say its some festivity at the temple and if one goes in say some very skimpy clothes, it would look out of place(No sensible woman would do that!).We have the right to wear what we like but we just need to exercise some prudence on the occasion and place. PAssing lewd remarks based on what one wears and pointing it out as the reason for provoking men is ABSURD! Nice thoughtful post here.
Thanks, Jaish! What one wears is a very personal choice. I am pretty comfortable in jeans, tees and sneakers - something I have been wearing since my teenage days. There are a few friends of mine who find it comfortable in salwaar-suits and nothing else. There are others who find skirts comfy enough to wear to college or wherever they go.
DeleteI believe, one should have the sense of wearing for the occasion, but if one doesn't and is decent enough in her gestures, the dress becomes no criteria for getting ridiculed. Something that's all too mundane these days, sadly.
Nyc post for today era.. It is personal choice.. Nd so its leave on person... Nd it is hir or her right.. No one chan challage it. But what people say if anyone think this then that 1 cant enjoy their life on comfot level..its thinking of many society if we cant change them then ignore them.. You put it well I agree with ur points.. Keep writing do visit my blog
ReplyDeleteIgnoring seems to have work on temporary levels, but what good has it done? Things no more can be ignored, or should be ignored.
DeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts.
Ya you are right ignoring is tough job... Nd temp soluation.. Bt permanent soluation is.. Change maind of society that is.. Impossible job.. Thanks for visit my blog keep visiting
DeleteNice take on it Vaishali. Some don't get the poit behind what you just mentioned. It becomes almost impossible to adapt because of thinking of few. Hope that changes soon.
ReplyDeleteHope. We have that one thing to cling to, haven't we? :) Glad to know you understand, Saurabh.
DeleteThat's great read, Vaishali. The society around women wears masks. At one hand it talks tall about Women's Empowerment and at the other they define dress code for them. I agree with what you say.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better myself, Sir. Sometimes, it all seems like a big hoax, the way the society works. I'm glad to see people voice their opinions without any attempts at concealing their thoughts.
DeleteThank you for leaving your thoughts here. :)
Nice post. The society we live is two faced. One time they tell us to do whatever we want. And then again they mock us about what we do. And in case of women, it always the lines.
ReplyDeleteOne should never be judged by what they wear. And after all they are just clothes, nothing more. How can they ever be a reason for something so absurd. Coming to people saying about the clothes provoking men. Total Bulls#it. If that is the case, then what did the innocent six olds do for provoking? Seriously, this has to change. The people have to change. The society has to change.
I hope this change comes sooner than later.
Valid points, Ajay. It's the women who have always been told to shush, to change their ways for the society, to not voice their opinions, to take the backseat, to mould herself according to her man's desire. Well, I ask, why?
DeleteThings have changed in the past - one can only be glad about it and have respect for the ones who brought about the changes. For now, I'm sure, with the way people are coming forward with their opinions, things will change. Though it's a long shot, hope does play some role in my psyche. :)
Thank you for such strong pointers.
Patriarchy has messed up a lot of stuff, hasn't it? First, there are men (and women) who want to define what people wear - be it clothes, jewelery etc. Then there are men who worry about their daughters/sisters/wives not comforming to those rules and hence running the risk of getting harmed and hence end up defining the attire, patriarchical mess all over again! Yes, clothes need to be comfortable - whoever wears decides. But they also need to be decent. That's where the problem comes in. Because what I find decent, someone else doesn't :( Who defines the minimum limit then? :( Isn't there a legal requirement for "indecent exposure in public". Anything more than that should be fine then, you'd think! But alas, some people just need an excuse to go play moral police.
ReplyDeleteDeepa, one would think clothes were the way to express oneself. I have friends who wear a certain color according to their moods, I do that too sometimes. But there are people who find it 'lustful' to see a girl wearing red. And then they play on the girl's intentions part. Well, duh! What schools did they go to?!
DeleteAs I said in the earlier comment, I find it comfy in a pair of jeans, tee and sneakers. My everyday attire, basically. But if I were to comment on the length of clothes, I know certain girls my age who wear what the Indian society would think to be despicable but the said girls carry themselves with such aplomb that the dress isn't in the limelight. Their attitude is.
Then again, there are women who work on cheap tactics to turn male heads. Now, no matter how much cloth covers them, their gestures SHOW their intention. I'm no one to judge, but I'd any day say, simplicity is the best virtue one can have. But one's choices should not be beaten out in the public just because they do not conform with the doctrines.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
And then there comes a time when one is appalled to think one has to talk about this. THIS. Something so obvious the bull in the ring wouldn't miss even with other targets in mind. Where are the sane days gone? But then, there never were any sane days.
ReplyDeleteI agree ... often a girl has to dress keeping in mind how the society would react, or what people would say. Perhaps there is a big gap in the way we perceive things and how it actually is the case in reality !!!
ReplyDeleteIndeed, there is. Perhaps, we underestimate things or think that the society might broaden its view but nay! They slap their norms and beliefs in our face and we are left with two choices - Accept their way or Make our own. :)
DeleteActually minding others is the sole business Indians have. We have to preach and our men have all the rights, whether it's right or wrong.
ReplyDeleteI hate it when you say that but I can't deny 'cause that is the bitter truth.
DeleteVery valid points Vaishali. I agree that a girl should be able to dress as she pleases. However, our conservative Indian society will always forbid it with all their might. The problem is twofold -- (1) if a girl dresses "indecently", others around her will give her a hard time about being slutty (2) She'll attract the wrong kind of attention from the wrong kind of men, which often leads to something bad. It becomes a vicious cycle!
ReplyDeleteThe problem is never the dress. It's the mentality of the aggressor. And what fuels their actions is the absurd mindset of the society in general.
DeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts. :)
I agree , really Awesome post
ReplyDeleteThank you!
Deletenicely written! Raise your standards! i'd like that on a tshirt ♥
ReplyDeleteThanks, Paro.
Delete